Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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