Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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