is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
