Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
