my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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