he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
