just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
