The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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