call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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