i think my mom watched the whole time
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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