No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
