I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
