ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
