You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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