i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
These tits shall not be calmed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
