I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
