Too much gin, very little bucket
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
