Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
