I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i already hear my dad disowning me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
