i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
