Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
