I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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