The best revenge is premature balding
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
