nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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