you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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