Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
