my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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