Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
