Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
