This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
