some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How's work?
Spinning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
