Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Randomize