I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can text with my tongue
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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