So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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