i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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