i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
