my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
