so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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