I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
