i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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