my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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