Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
