I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
