She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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