Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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