I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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