we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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