I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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