grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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