if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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