You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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