Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
