Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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