I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
