we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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