I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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