Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
