I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
