this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
