I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
