I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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