everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
