So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
